BIRDS, BEES & WHAT THE ????

There are days when your kids send you spiralling into a state of disbelief.

Yesterday, happened to be one of them. First, my three year old arrived face all flushed, shirt pulled out of his shorts, flinging his legs samurai like, ready to take me on.

"What happened?", I asked puzzled.

"R (let him remain unnamed, lest the parents visit this blog, highly unlikely, though the world's small) told me SHAADD-UP. I angry."

"So what did you do?", I asked.

"I SHAADD-UP", he said proudly.

"Then why are you flinging your arms and legs at me now," I asked even more flustered.

"Mamma, I very angry now."

There it was another case, of my mild fella who only believes in venting his anger on his mom and his sis. So much for standing up for oneself.

Speaking of the sis, having survived the samurai punches, I got an even bigger blow when my six year old going on 20 matter of factly declared in the course of her exam work.

"Today, my teacher was very angry."

Me: "Why?"

Aneesha: "Because this girl _ said F### to this boy _."

Me: "What?"

Aneesha: "Don't get excited Mamma. _ and _ say it all the time in the playground."

Me: "I hope you are NOT using it."

Aneesha: "Why, is it a bad word?"

Me: Yes

Aneesha: "What does it mean?"

Me: Hyper-ventilating, desperately attempting to change the topic. "Never mind whatever happened to Pretty's nest, did Grace blow it away? And don't ever use that word, EVER, OK."

There it is, you can curtail the TV, mind your P's, Q's and F's but they'll pick up all they don't need to know from some place that is simply beyond your control.

So if anyone knows more ways of keeping them safe and not turning beetroot red as the questions start getting increasingly complex - mail me.

I'm all ears, after being flung at the deep end not once but twice in a day. Speak of double whammys.

Then as the wise ones say 'the kids, they teach us.'