EKLAVYA

Is disappointing. Mercifully, clocking a little less than two hours it's short. After all there's only so much of slow mo's, zoom ins, zoom outs, eye frames that the audience can take before sleep beckons. The setting may be stunning, the framing of the shots perfect from start to finish, but the movie lacks a strong script which manifests itself in the weak plot that unfolds.

The first half is a backgrounder. You spend the second half hoping things will get better. They never do. The palace intrigues hardly pull you to the edge of your seat, Amitabh Bachchan as Eklavya maybe shedding tears, but there is no sobbing to be heard in the hall. Instead its the whisperings: 'Is it going to get better?' followed by 'Is it going to get over?'

By the end of it all, the line of kids sitting in the row in front of us and my twosome exclaim almost in unison 'that was the most boring movie I've seen.' Wonder who Vidhu Vinod Chopra would want to slap now - the critics, the adults or the baba log?

I, though have only myself to blame. Had I listened to Zafar's words and read this review by Khaled Mohammed, I'd have saved myself the grief and been mildly satisfied with the DVD. It would have meant the luxury of forwarding at least half the movie. As Khaled rightly points out about the characters - "All of them are as unbelievable as apple trees in Andheri."

Now, if the selectors for the 'O' list still don't get it, here is the plea. Please don't even think of sending it to the Oscars. Never mind the setting and cinematography....Boman Irani aka the King's rendition of the Shakespearen sonnets are enough to wilt even the rosiest of roses. And that's just the start. Best to keep those daggers drawn.

DHOOM 2: How to LIKE Say It?

After reports of the upcoming wedding, the ceremonies, the rituals and the reports of Aishwarya Rai having to tie the knot with a tree before an actual wedding with the Abhishek Bachchan, the joke doing the rounds goes:

- The tree and Aishwarya act in a film together. The tree acts better. (what can I say - life's LIKE that only!)

That pretty much sums up Aish's showing in Dhoom 2 (never mind the short skirts and bikini tops). Every time she has to say like, it is with such effort that you wonder didn't even hear this when the shots were being done. One minute, she is this small time con woman Sunehri, the next minute you can hear her spouting English with the pucca clipped accent. As if that weren't painful enough, tough cop Bipasha Basu who makes an appearance as Shonali transforms into the rather forgettable Monali.

I'm not even a Hrithik Roshan fan, but he was the only one who impressed in this sequel that falls flat compared to its predecessor.

In typical Hindi movie style, the action takes you to a robbery in Namibia, where a five-year old non-shooter gifted with a gun, would have done better than the beefcakes, making a go at the King of Cons - 'A'.

Similar scenes repeat themselves throughout the movie. 'A' (Hrithik Roshan) reinvents himself several times including as a rather sad looking Johnny Depp avataar, he saves the dances and proves ACP Jay Dixit (Abhishek Bachchan) really shouldn't be asked to shake his leg in the same dance sequence as him.

The action was supposed to be riveting. I went to watch the flick with a bunch of pals and each of us took turns catching a couple of winks watching the deadpan events unfold in an even more brain-dead fashion.

If babes in bikinis mark your kind of movie watching, then go ahead, add to the Dhoom:2's already bursting at its seams revenues, otherwise be sensible and just wait for the VCD.

If I was in the business of popping those popcorns, I'd seriously give it just one.

It's like that bad. Give me Dhoom and John Abraham anyday.